From the Spot of the Foul

Do you smell gas?

Norman Bates ignores his mother and relishes in the terror that has suddenly befallen the Norwich City Football Club.

Nyet, Arsene

Alisher Usmanov, in his quest to wrest control of the Arsenal Football Club, writes a letter to manager Arsene Wenger, who is threatening to ruin Mr. Usmanov's credibility by opening the English Premier League with a surprising, sound whipping of Everton.

No Animals Were Harmed During the Writing of This Post

 Norman Bates introduces himself to the Norwich City Football Club.

I've got you under my skin

Mark Hughes sends Alex Ferguson a note to make him look like the fool he often doesn't need help in revealing.